I'll SO Get Better Than You
by IHeartKatana
Summary: Set in the early Konoha (still on the making), The Senju Family decides to invite the Uchiha for dinner, to discuss about important matters.The whole dinner though turns into a parody and somehow, after that ends, Madara founds himself rivaling against... Mito about the place of the housewife and... Hashirama's spouse (2nd chapter). Two-shot story, Totally CrackCrackCrack(ed) fic


**_A/N:_ This is my first fanfic after three years of doing nothing =). It's all crappy and stuff I believe but I also hope I'll get used to writing again. :P And back then I used to write only two pgs per chapter. Now its eight… :/**

**Important!: I hold nothing against the characters mentioned. If something offensive towards their person is mentioned it is derived from another character's way of thinking. Or as I believe/want them to think about it.**

**Izuna is still alive(for the sake of Tobirama's well-being) and able to see ('cuz I say so)**

**_Disclaimer_: I do not own the characters!**

**Although the elder figures that appear are pretty much made up by me.**

_Now Let the Story Flow~~~_

It was a nice Saturday afternoon and the whole Uchiha clan (like all the other fellow, now, clans) were finally getting to rest after the daily preparations they make upon the construction of the village, with the exception of a couple of groups of children that were still running around the temporary, casually made houses enjoying the setting sun and their godforsaken, up until now, childhood.

Somewhere, inside the most appealing and apparently larger tent to be seen in the whole compound (as if he'd let his previous glory get enveloped by the shadow of the village, his very own newborn baby…) laid Madara Uchiha. Eyelids half closed against the orangish sun rays that were slipping through a rather large ditch on the tent's fabric, straight onto his face.

Oh, nothing in the world could ruin the peace and silence of this moment…

Nothing…

Nothing?

Just that very moment Izuna hurried like a tornado in the luxury tent (where he lived as well) holding a tiny little scroll .

"Brother! We have an invitation for tonight!" he chirped, a little louder than necessary. Madara jumped at his feet at once and would have gotten into fighting position if he hadn't recognized his little brother's voice.

"What the hell is it Izu-" "It's for dinner!" the younger exclaimed happily preventing his discernibly angry and utterly annoyed brother from finishing his sentence.

And since in no case free food is bad, unless it is poisoned, or has an awful taste, Madara's facial expression seemed to have changed.

"And whom is it from?" he snapped, although his voice was noticeably calmer.

That's when the poor kid (obviously not literally speaking…) started hesitating although he knew that his aniki was supposed to bare a friendship with the person, and not even recently but since childhood. Yes, that had to be the actual explanation why none of them had gotten killed during their constant battling; they always spared each other's lives. Or at least, that was Izuna's point of view…

"The idiot Senju…" Izuna whispered imitating what his brother uses to refer to the Senju clan head, ducking down a little as if the days of war and eternal rivalry between the two of them and their whole clans in general hadn't ended yet.

Madara seemed both annoyed and weirdly satisfied from his brother's answer. Once again he reminded himself, they were in peace; but what could stop him from actually bringing chaos into the oh-so-admirable Senju household?

"Here says that they'll be waiting for us two, as well as the clan's elders at eight o'clock tonight in order to discuss about the new treaty, the village and the current affairs between our clans. Well in a more friendly way, to explain the whole 'dinner' thing…" Izuna transferred the content of the invitation to his brother in his own words.

"It's settled then…" Madara spoke, a menacing grin appearing across his face. Izuna hurried out of the room just like the way he had burst in, so as to make the necessary arrangements.

Xxx

The clock had already stroke seven and the elder of the Uchiha brothers had just picked the right clothes out of the massive pile lying on the ground after, like, two hours searching in the once, neatly folded clothes. For some reason he felt like he had to give a good impression at his, let's say, first formal visit there. After all there would also be that red headed bitch, wouldn't she? And for another yet odd reason he felt like he couldn't allow her outbid him in the looks. No way that would happen, he was much better, hotter and dynamic and he knew it…

That's when Izuna came in, in a more civil manner than the last time..

"Oi, Aniki.." he spoke. "Everyone's ready and waiting, and I bet you don't wanna be late to the appointment, now, do you?"

"M'kay fine, just get out and I'll be there in a minute.." Now he did fell somewhat embarrassed. As if he didn't start preparing since the very moment Izuna left the room after bringing in the invitation…

And indeed in a minute he had managed to dress up, surprisingly properly, and put on the bestly fitting aroma…

He walked out in a demanding, yet relaxed way, just to match with his outfit. And talking about that, in his opinion, was nothing less than perfect. He was wearing a black tank top along with black, a little more faded shade that the top, low-raise pants that were tight on his waist, not hiding the curves of his body and were getting slightly loose on his legs, although still without hiding the outlines of those long and slim, in other words gorgeous, limbs. The cherry on top, was a dark blue shirt (same color as his sandals, of course), with a high collar that reached his chin and sleeves that where folded up on the height of his elbows. It was hanging there loosely on his shoulders and falling down low, covering his rear, then losing length at his sides and going up the way to his waist and then falling low once again. Needless to mention, it was left wide open.

The others looked at him in relief for being on time (and astonishment, as he hoped) and waited for his signal to departure, which he gave them soon enough.

"Thank God…" sighed Izuna as if getting rid of a heavy burden.

XXX

Close to an hour later, here they were at one of the few houses that were fully built in the area. This, comes because the Uchiha had camped outside of the actual village and it was somewhat far, and the fact that they had a couple of elderly people to support all the way there. And they were like hell demanding. The one, to Madara's benefit in this occasion, suffered from senile dementia. The Senju had asked for the elders themselves after all; blame on them if something occured out of this…

Before even arriving at the entrance of the house, the door opened welcomingly. Hashirama Senju and his oh, so lovable wife, Mito Uzumaki were standing there, smiling gently, ready to embrace their guests.

The Uchiha group moved forward towards the house in a slow and steady rate, obviously not wanting to appear eager. They stood there outside the front door and took their shoes off before entering the house. Oh, what a pity Madara had nothing to match his shirt now with…

As the members of each clan faced each other closely now, they bowed in a greeting manner. The female elder bowed as much as her body would allow her, Izuna on the other hand made a full 90 degree bow while the senile-dementia elder just tried to imitate him, but it resulted in him falling flat on the ground and in terrible pain. His dentures slipped out of his mouth and landed on Mito's bare foot. Madara who had already passed by Mito pretending she wasn't there and exchanged a simple nod with Hashirama, chuckled softly so as not to be heard and sounded off his fake apologies towards them. At once, after that, both clan leaders helped the man back on his feet and Hashirama searched on him for any serious injuries. "Dah, he'll be fine. Just try not to make him worried and fulfill his request or he'll be likely to have a heart attack.." The Uchiha leader appeased the medi-nin.

After having examined the man meticulously and made sure he was as strong as stone (as far as he could be at his current state) Hashirama lead his guests to the dining room, Mito following them silently.

There waited the Senju clan's elders along with Hashirama's little brother, Senju Tobirama, who paradoxically was right now helping to set the table, and thus finding an excuse not to greet their guests. The elder of the brothers made an inviting gesture, ordering them to take their places at the table.

Not wanting that to cause any trouble with the Senju family members just yet, Madara grabbed Hashirama's hand and dragged him along with him so as they'll be sitting next to each other. For understandable reasons, the table was shaped round, so, next to Madara, sat his little brother, Izuna and next to him, sat Tobirama who happened to be between Izuna and the senile-dementia Uchiha elder. Next to him was the female Uchiha elder, the Senju elders and at last, Mito, who was sitting next to her beloved husband.

The plates were served. Nose-breaking fragrances where spread into the air making the labor for those starving stomachs to constrain themselves from eating even more unbearable. A couple of bottles of sake were making their way around the table as the diners started filling each other's glasses. One cursed moment brought Madara and Tobirama holding each one of them a bottle of sake trying to serve Izuna. They both started death-glaring one another, each for his own purposes. Madara was just being protective over his brother; Tobirama on the other hand seemed to be having no reasonable excuses, except the one of 'trying to be polite'.

After some distressing, never-ending moments of glare-fighting, Madara, surprisingly, gave up and turned around in order to hit on Tobi's brother instead by filling up his glass with sake. After all, Hashirama had filled Madara's beforehands but also had made the fatal mistake of forgetting to fill up his own wife's.

"Oh, what a gentleman… you hardly find such nowadays; to be able to take care of a lady like that.." stated the senile-dementia-Uchiha, who had obviously just woken up from a long mental lethargy, referring to Tobirama's gesture.

Izuna flushed red for not having his gender said properly by his own clansman and just mumbled "Please ignore him" letting the 'he is crazy' part lay implied.

"Oh, what a great time we're having!" started the host of this whole gathering , unnecessarily, trying to break the ice, while everyone was obviously dying out of boredom.

…

"Oh, nonononono… he wasn't always all rough like this.. as a kid he had many complexes. He even still bears some like when having people standing behind him. Especially when peeing.." "Oh, don't worry sweetheart, Hashi-chan ain't that good either. You just had to see all those fancy hairstyles with plaids and piggy-tails he used to do when-, oh, and let alone his gambling addiction-"

The two old ladies stopped speaking when they finally realized that everyone had gotten silent and was just staring at them. Others looked confused, others embarrassed, while others, namely Tobirama, barely held back their laughter.

Oh, great. But anyhow everyone in the whole universe knew about that peeing issue..

So, poor Hashirama then…

Anyway it seemed like a good point to start a fight.

"OH MY! How dare you insult me like that by laughing!" exclaimed Madara faking anger in his tone while pointing at poor boy Tobirama who obviously hadn't see that coming (but out of experience he should know to expect anything from an Uchiha) with his saliva and sauce covered chopsticks once he had already managed to shove a bite in his mouth before going berserk.

"Well no, what YOU just did was rude!" Tobirama fought back immediately. "We'll see about that!" the other barked and jumped on his feet while banging fists on the table with frustration and such a great force that the foods hopped off their place and the young Senju's glass fell and rolled all the way down to his lap spilling the sake all over his clothes.

"Now look what you did" Tobi shouted out aloud and stood up as well grabbing the bowl of soup that stood there innocently in front of him and aimed towards Madara.

In the meantime, Hashirama had gotten up himself to force his friend back in place before causing any further trouble. One hand placed on Madara's opposite shoulder pushing him down while his back was facing Tobirama's direction.

What he didn't know was that his back was also fully covering his friend. Splash! Sticky liquid along with other ingredients was spilled all over Hashirama's silky shirt, his hair hopefully were dragged on the other side. Some drops had also fatally fallen on Mito's extravagantly expensive kimono. Alright, that was the last straw that declared an official war.

"Food fight!" cheered the dementia elder. The party had just begun.

Xxx

Food was thrown all over the place, clothes, hair, the holy tatami floor… all in a great mess. That was their weapon. As shields were used various items. Towels, emptied plates, the other people's backs… Still, everything was filthy. Well, everything except…

Except of Madara's hair. There was no way in heaven or hell he'd let anything happen to his long raven locks. That, of course, couldn't pass without costs, and particularly it went by the sacrifice of Hashirama's shirt wrapped around Madara's head (from the non-filthy side, of course…).

…

"Cease Fire!" demanded the said Senju who was standing there topless and pretty much helpless as he had just gotten showered from a flying cold soup, at last.

Unlikely, everyone stopped and stared at him. Madara was caught still shoving a little something that was left untouched into his cheek. Apparently he was the only one who also managed to actually eat during the fight. That person was really priceless, the elder Senju brother sighed.

Hashirama stood there speechless after bringing himself into this awkward situation he caused by shouting, now having everyone staring at his place, waiting for him to talk. Madara was also chewing whatever he had stuffed in earlier.

Hashirama though believed that it wasn't really necessary for him to talk given the situation they were in. He had already said what he wanted in two words earlier. Again, awkward!

Like always, we was just about to improvise and say something completely stupid, but luckily, for him and apparently everyone else, the Uchiha elder got there first and spoke, on his turn, something completely stupid.

"And now it's the part where we get to see the two family heads dancing, yay~" (duh, did I say luckily? Mea culpa…) damn dementia, though I believe I have mentioned how much Madara loved the man… "ohmy! We can't say no 'cause he'll get a heart attack!" Izuna added immediately as if reading his brother's mind, reminding the people there about the elder's issue. Hashirama looked at Madara, then at Mito, the rest, then back at Madara. He only got three approving looks. The Uchiha elder's, Izuna's and the Senju elder woman's. Madara was acting again, as if he didn't wanna… Mito and Tobirama on the other hand were like 'do it and you'll be dead before you manage to say beefsteak'…

Holy cow, Hashi wouldn't listen! after all he wouldn't like to be the cause for an old man's death. "May I… have the honor…" he started as he offered his hand at his, well, friend like a prince would to his beloved one at a dance after their wedding, bowing. Many felt the sudden urge to hit him just then. One of them though, namely Madara, instead of hitting, he placed his hand on top of the other's accepting his place as the female dancing figure. Dear Lord…

Stepping away from the table to an open space, the two, probably playing some kind of music into their heads which they had probably chosen together beforehands, started making synchronized steps backwards and forwards in complete harmony. Nah, they couldn't have done this before. It has to be battle experience on one another... Hashirama leaned towards Madara causing him to bow backwards, holding him still from his waist. Free strands of hair waving at the movement. Oh, hadn't this view of two men dancing one topless and the other with the first's top around his hair, both filled with spoilt food spots been so ridiculous, someone could have gotten jealous… Madara lifted his right leg and wrapped it around the other's sensually, rubbing it slowly against, well, his pants, leaning on the other's side, on his turn. For a normal person this still just outbid the top of the climax of ridiculousness but for Mito… Space between them slowly lessening dangerously and the woman could take no more of it! A strong whack on the head and her husband was lying unconscious at their feet. Madara felt like he was next so he stepped backwards, in a steady rate until he was sure he was off of the woman's hitting range.

…

"UUuuuh… how 'bout ordering some food now..? We sure do own you one.."

You sure do know how to save yourselves, Uchiha…

Xxx

Well, since obviously they didn't have phones, after sending out a mail-bird, and finally eating, in peace,(Hopefully Izuna always carried money…) it was time to departure. Or in other words, put the elders to bed. And yup, the younger Uchiha seemed to be the one to have to do this chore as well…

Madara insisted to help clean up the house, since he claimed to have been feeling guilty. So the situation concluded into four of them, namely Hashirama, Mito, Madara and Tobirama cleaning up the house, the Senju elders at bed and poor Izuna trying to carry the Uchiha elders back to their compound.

Again, poor Izuna… enough said.

Xxx

Back to the Senju household, the four had already finished the cleaning up and were now relaxing at the living room, drinking alcohol (again).

"Well at least we ate…" said Hashirama trying to break the ice between his guest and his brother and wife.

"Yeaaaaah.. though we probably shouldn't! Mito Looks all fatter day after day.." snapped Tobirama after observing the redhead for a while.

"Bah! Don't be ridiculous! She was always like that.." answered Madara, obviously forced by the fear of staying out of the conversation.

"NOPE! I was waaaaay slimmer at my wedding!" The said redhead, falsely, spoke her mind, and finished with an "I can prove it if you like!" and hurried in the bedroom, probably in some way trying to prove Tobirama right.

That was obviously an unlucky occurrence of a series of drunken speaking mistakes…

After a while she came back holding a bunch of, something that looked like clothes. A hugfull of her old clothes do be exact. But why in the world do women believe that by keeping their old clothes they will be able to fit in them again someday? None of the three could really tell…

The woman threw the mass on the couch and fished a skirt out of it. She showed it to the three men sitting around her, proudly. She… really used to have an extremely thin waist.. not that she was fat now but, wow…

"Sooo..! Mister-I-know-everything what about that?" she exclaimed and threw the skirt at Madara. He looked at it, though hesitated to touch. Bah, Uzumaki germs. "If you really are THAT smart _you _try putting it on now!"

She was mad. End of story!

Damn Uzumaki germs! He _knew_ they were bad. They had already eaten up all of her brain cells and now he was being forced to be the next! He pretended not to have listened for his own good…

The woman though was serious.

She started walking towards him, picked him up by his shirt and pinned the skirt against his chest. "Do it!" she commanded, threatening eyes glowing. Before he could speak another word, Mito pulled his pants down revealing a pair of long well-shaved legs, and his oh, so fascinating underwear. The rest rubbed their eyes at the view, except from Hashirama who found everything completely normal. Mito hated seeing men achieving a better shaving than her…

Anyway, with this and that, she finally managed to put the skirt in place. "Well, see?" she chirped. "I was obviously slimmer than you!" The skirt did sit well on his waist but since he didn't have such womanly curves, the zipper wouldn't close all the way to its end at top. Duh, and again duh and double facepalm. Madara seemed defeated at that. By stupidity. Uzumaki germs wasn't a myth after all. And it was there to pass to the next generations.

"Well that's because he has a different anatomy—" "Pfft! As I see him now he wouldn't even be bad for taking your place, sweet-red-strawberry-pie~" Started Tobirama but his brother cut him off. Sweet lord. THIS started a massacre…

~To be continued~~


End file.
